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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29744019">Can't move, can't breathe, can't help but remember</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling'>tveckling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fuck Sisyphus [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hades (Video Game 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because Greek mythology..., Because Thanatos has a job, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, POV Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:42:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29744019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He had to hear it from gossiping shades. That Sisyphus' edict was broken. That <i>Zagreus</i> had released him. He'd come back to the House to anxiously wait, to soothe his irrational fear that one day Zagreus wouldn't return, and he passed by a group of shades, and he heard them whisper, heard them mention Zagreus, heard them mention <i>Sisyphus,</i> and suddenly he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't feel his body as he floated to the West balcony, to his usual spot, because <i>Zagreus had released Sisyphus.</i></p><p>Distantly he could feel his heart racing, his hands shaking. In his mind, he saw Sisyphus, still with that apologetic look on his face, key in hand. He heard the click as the shackle was locked, over and over and over again over the Styx's murmurs, and the sound seemed to only grow louder in his ears, and he could feel his breathing grow heavier, more erratic. <i>Scared.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fuck Sisyphus [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Can't move, can't breathe, can't help but remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First of the companion fics in what seems intent on becoming quite a huge thing. Had lots of fun exploring Than's personal kind of panic-despair-anguish x)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened again. Thanatos thought that they'd grown closer, that Zagreus knew he could talk with him, that he wouldn't go off and do something big without at least <em> telling </em> him. He thought, after laying together, after their confessions, that Zagreus wouldn't keep forgetting him.</p><p>He had to hear it from gossiping shades. That Sisyphus' edict was broken. That <em> Zagreus </em> had released him. He'd come back to the House to anxiously wait, to soothe his irrational fear that one day Zagreus wouldn't return, and he passed by a group of shades, and he heard them whisper, heard them mention Zagreus, heard them mention <em> Sisyphus, </em> and suddenly he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't feel his body as he floated to the West balcony, to his usual spot, because <em> Zagreus had released Sisyphus. </em></p><p>Distantly he could feel his heart racing, his hands shaking. In his mind, he saw Sisyphus, still with that apologetic look on his face, key in hand. He heard the click as the shackle was locked, over and over and over again over the Styx's murmurs, and the sound seemed to only grow louder in his ears, and he could feel his breathing grow heavier, more erratic. <em>Sc</em><em> ared. </em></p><p>Crossing his arms he breathed in deep, once. Let it out slowly, once. Breathed in, again. Out, again. Tightened his fists, and forced his body to <em> stop shaking. </em> </p><p>But his mind kept repeating that click. Sisyphus kept whispering 'sorry' in his ear.</p><p>"Than! Hey, you're here."</p><p>That was his name. And that voice, he recognized that voice. He loved that voice. He loved it even more than before, because it swept away the click and that whispered apology. </p><p>But with his head quiet again he could think, and he could feel, and he could <em> hurt. </em></p><p>He turned around, and there was Zagreus, hand slowly lowering as his face took on an exceedingly worried look. Thanatos felt cold, looking at him.</p><p>"Zagreus."</p><p>"Hey, you're looking… off. Is everything alright?"</p><p>His hands were heavy, as if weighed down with something. Thanatos didn't dare move, didn't dare breathe, didn't dare look down. Zagreus had released Sisyphus, his mind kept reminding him. Zagreus, <em> his </em> Zagreus. They'd been lying together in Zagreus' bed only a few days earlier, and Thanatos had felt happy. He never felt happy before. He couldn't feel anything. Because of Sisyphus. Now, he'd let himself feel again. Because of Zagreus, who let Sisyphus escape his punishment.</p><p>Looking away from Zagreus was easier. It hurt less, didn't make him want to scream.</p><p>But he was supposed to talk, wasn't he. Zagreus had asked him what was wrong. He had to answer, he had to say something.</p><p>All he could think of was Sisyphus. All he could wonder was, <em> why? </em></p><p>"I heard you stayed the knave-king's sentence."</p><p>Zagreus was so young, so daring and reckless and full of life that not even death could hope to diminish that bright spark. Thanatos loved him, so much it hurt sometimes. He never wanted to hurt him, never wanted to make him upset. Didn't want to be angry with him, even when the very sight of him made Thanatos want to destroy everything within reach.</p><p>He couldn't upset him. If Zagreus was upset he'd disappear again. He'd leave, for sure, and he'd never come back. He'd never talk with Thanatos again, he'd never smile, he'd never laugh, he'd never touch him again, never make <em> him </em> want to smile.</p><p>Sometimes Thanatos wished he had never let himself feel again.</p><p>"I should be angry with you. Sisyphus must be the only mortal <em> ever </em>to have humiliated me. But Mother Nyx, she…"</p><p>His mother. Zagreus had regained access to the administrative office, sure, but he didn't know where anything was kept, didn't know the system, wouldn't know where to start looking. Someone must have told him.</p><p>
  <em> Mother. </em>
</p><p>"She… must have backed you. Didn't she?"</p><p>The words were ash on his tongue. His mother. His Zagreus.</p><p>He couldn't think, only listened as Zagreus tried to explain himself. Tried to make an excuse, saying that Sisyphus wouldn't leave. As if that would make anything better. As if that would erase what <em> they </em> did. Together. Without asking him. Without thinking of him.</p><p>Zagreus was silent, looking at him. He must answer. Must not make Zagreus upset. "Oh? Well. He's an odd one through and through. I guess. As long as I don't have to deal with him again."</p><p>He couldn't breathe. His hands were heavy, and he heard whispering in his ear, and he <em> couldn't breathe. </em> The only thought in his head was to run, to get away, to get out of there, nownownow <em> now </em>.</p><p>"I have work."</p><p>Zagreus opened his mouth, probably to protest, but Thanatos didn't see it. Couldn't see anything but Sisyphus above him, apologizing as he damned him to agony beyond what he'd been able to imagine.</p><p>His shift was done without thinking, without a clear destination in mind, so when he found himself on a small island on the surface - an island he recognized, with a familiar, modest house - he wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream. Instead, he collapsed against the nearest tree, unable to hold back the shaking anymore as he pulled his knees up tight against his chest.</p><p>Mother Nyx. Zagreus. </p><p>Sisyphus.</p><p>It was bright, with the sun out in full force, but even so, he thought he saw darkness creeping in toward him.</p><p>It wasn't, he told himself, holding himself tight as he forced his eyes wide open, taking in the brightness even as it hurt. It was all in his head, nothing was happening, it was in the past, he was okay, he was safe, he was <em> safe. </em> No one was there, no one would trap him again, no one would take him away again, no one would break him again.</p><p>Far away, a man died, his body pierced by a spear. Close to him, another lay dying from a sword cut, his blood feeding the grass beneath him. Ares' work.</p><p>Thinking of Ares made it easier to breathe. He was on Ares' island. He was safe. He was safe.</p><p>In Athens, a boy fell from a tree to hard marble. In the woods further inland one of Artemis' followers fell to a bear's claws. In Sparta, a slave fell to his master's anger.</p><p>Zagreus hadn't been born when it happened. He didn't know, obviously. He couldn't know. But he knew parts of it, knew there was bad blood between Thanatos and Sisyphus. They'd talked about it, a few uncomfortable times. And yet he hadn't asked about it, hadn't even tried to find out what Sisyphus had done, before he stayed the punishment.</p><p>And Mother Nyx.</p><p>Thanatos hugged himself tighter.</p><p>She knew him. She knew what had happened, even if she'd never mentioned it, even if he'd never talked about it. She had to know. He'd always thought she did. But, if she did, how could she have helped Zagreus? How could she think it was fine to release Sisyphus? Did she weigh Zagreus' request and Thanatos’ pain, and decide from there? Was it Sisyphus' continued assistance, the help he offered Zagreus in his attempts to leave?</p><p>Was this all he meant to them? He loved them, both of them, would do anything they asked. He helped Zagreus as often as he could, risking Hades' wrath every time. Was this all he was worth?</p><p>A woman lay dying in her bed, the pain from her old, weary body not allowing her any respite. A soldier begged for relief, his body breaking with every painful, bloody cough. An old man sat in front of his house, watching the children play outside.</p><p>Thanatos rose to his feet and summoned his scythe. He took a deep breath. Breathed out. Shifted, to the next person on his sisters' list. He had work to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You want lots of retweeted art (SFW and NSFW alike) and.... other stuff, who even knows nowadays, but def fandom art, come find me at <a href="https://twitter.com/tveckling">twitter</a>~</p></blockquote></div></div>
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